Home. It's such a complicated word, isn't it? For some, it’s a place. For others, it’s a feeling. And for many of us expats, it’s a question we struggle to answer. Is it the country we left behind? The one we’ve moved to? Or is it… somewhere we haven’t quite found yet? Today, we’re diving into this messy, beautiful, heartbreaking idea of home—and why so many of us feel like we don’t belong anywhere. I’ve been there, and I know you might be there now. But by the end of this episode, I hope you’ll see that it doesn’t have to stay this way.
When I moved to Paris, I thought I’d made it. I mean, France! The land of history and wine and croissants. But as the months passed, reality hit me like a double-decker bus. I’d sit in a café, pretending to read a book but secretly watching people around me. I’d listen to their conversations—effortlessly fluent, full of inside jokes I didn’t understand—and feel like I’d never catch up.
The worst part? I felt invisible. I’d try to speak, but my accent gave me away immediately. I’d see their polite smiles turn tight, their eyes glaze over. And shame? Oh, shame became my constant companion.
Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve felt this too. Maybe it’s in the way you avoid social gatherings because small talk feels like climbing a mountain. Or the way you second-guess every email, every word, wondering if you sound smart enough. And that loneliness—of being surrounded by people but feeling completely unknown—it’s heavy, isn’t it?
I know what you’re thinking: 'Okay, but I’ve tried. I’ve signed up for language classes, I’ve joined those expat Facebook groups, I’ve even forced myself to go to networking events.' And hey, good for you! That takes guts. But let me ask you this: did it help?
For me, those things were like band-aids on a broken bone. I went to meet-ups but left feeling more alien than ever. Why? Because those solutions focus on the surface. They don’t address the real issue.
The real issue isn't just the language. It is fear. Fear of being judged, of being misunderstood, of not being good enough. And until you tackle that fear head-on, no amount of vocabulary flashcards or awkward mingling will make you feel at home. Trust me, I tried. For months.
My moment of change came on a tennis court, of all places. I’d joined a local tennis club and one day, after yet another botched attempt at small talk, an older French woman pulled me aside. She said, 'Tu es ici. C’est ce qui compte.' You’re here. That’s what matters.
And something clicked. It wasn’t about speaking perfectly or fitting in. It was about showing up—messy accent, mistakes, and all.
So, I stopped focusing on sounding like I belonged and started acting like I did. I worked on my mindset—on silencing that voice that said I wasn’t enough. I sought out connections that felt real, not forced. And slowly, I stopped feeling like an outsider in my own life.
That’s what I want for you too. Because here’s the thing: home isn’t a place. It’s not even a feeling. It’s a decision. It’s deciding that you are enough, just as you are, and showing up fully, even when it’s scary.
So, how do you get there? Here’s what works for women I work with:
Reframe Your Mindset
Start by questioning the stories you’re telling yourself. Who told you your accent is a problem? Or that making mistakes is shameful? Spoiler alert: It wasn’t you. Let’s rewrite those stories together.
Build Real Confidence
Confidence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about trusting yourself to handle whatever comes your way.Through my coaching, we’ll practice real-life scenarios so you feel prepared, not paralyzed.
Create Meaningful Connections
Forget blending in. Instead, focus on finding your people—the ones who see and celebrate you for who you are. I’ll help you navigate this with tools and strategies that work in the real world.
And let me be clear: this isn’t about quick fixes or one-size-fits-all solutions. This is about deep, lasting change. The kind that doesn’t just make you better at English, but better at being you.
Here’s the truth: if you don’t start addressing these challenges now, they don’t go away. The loneliness doesn’t magically lift. The shame doesn’t stop whispering in your ear. And that dream of feeling at home, of feeling free? It stays just that—a dream.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can have the life you want—the connections, the confidence, the sense of belonging. You just need the right support to get there.
So, if you’re ready to stop feeling stuck and start feeling at home—wherever you are—let’s talk.
Because home isn’t a place. It's not even a feeling. It’s you. It's a decision to trust in yourself to be seen as you are.
And that’s a wrap for today, my lovely expats! If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your stories. Email them to me or leave me a voice message on Instagram.
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